A Confederacy of Dunces

Louis Farrakhan
Louis Farrakhan, head of the black supremacist Nation of Islam, has called for a new march on Washington. This time he’s calling it the Millions More Movement, and has chosen to allow women to participate this time. How progressive of him. The ADL is not impressed. Farrakhan has enlisted the help of several other prominent African American activists for this project, including Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Malik Zulu Shabazz, founder of the New Black Panther Party. I imagine that the conference call between the four men must have been interesting:

Farrakhan: So, seeing as how I’m Allah’s prophet on earth, I think I should be the guy who makes the keynote address.

Al Sharpton
Sharpton: Hold up there, Lou.
Farrakhan: What?
Sharpton: Well, you know we all love ‘ya, what with you helping to get rid of Malcolm X and clearing the way for the rest of us. But there are some problems with your image.
Farrakhan: Such as?
Sharpton: Well, there’s your anti-Semitism.
Farrakhan: So what? That’s hardly a fatal offense for a black leader! Even Jesse referred New York City as “Hymietown” once!

Jesse Jackson
Jackson: Hey, I apologized for that. And anyway, that’s not the only thing. What about all that crazy stuff with you claiming that white people are the result of genetic experiments carried out by a mad scientist named Yacub? Or that you were taken up into a UFO mothership and given the inspiration for the Million Man March? Or for that matter, your total perversion of Islam as a religion?
Farrakhan: Guys, I’m feeling much better now. I promise it won’t be a problem.
Sharpton: All the same Lou, I think we should present a leader who’s a bit more media
savvy. Like, for instance, me.

Malik Zulu Shabazz
Shabazz: I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. After all Al, you are a convicted liar.
Sharpton: Well, who would you suggest? You?
Shabazz: Yeah me.
Sharpton: OK, mister “I’m more anti-Semitic than David Duke.”
Jackson: And I heard that Bobby Seale, co-founder of the original Black Panther Party, says you stole the group’s name and are now using it for your own unethical ends!
Shabazz: That’s a Jew lie!
Sharpton: Bobby Seale’s Jewish?
Jackson: And anyway, you’ve got a funny name.
Farrakhan: Brothers, please! It doesn’t really matter who gives the keynote speech! The Democratic Party will still kiss our collective asses, and the media will ignore our past and present indiscretions.
Jackson: Well, maybe so, but being black America’s most respected leader, I think I should probably give the speech.
Sharpton: Uh, Jesse, I think Barack Obama holds that title now.
Jackson: Really? Well, maybe he would give the speech.
(Pause)
Farrakhan: No. I think he’ got a reputation to uphold.